Alice was lonely after her husband passed, in every way, including being sexually lonely. It’s one emotion that friends are afraid to cover. Sex. It can be intimidating to bring this up in a society that hides sexual connection away behind closed doors. Particularly when we’re talking about women, although Alice’s situation is just as valid in our male clients.
But, Alice’s needs were real and her new isolation lead her to an increased sense of feeling sexually lonely.
It doesn’t matter how your loved one’s pass, it still leaves you with feelings of isolation.
Bereavement can be a tricky time emotionally and this is further impacted by sexual loneliness. At the time when Alice was craving human contact, she was at her most isolated. It’s not like she was ready, if ever, to embark on a new relationship and so the coil of unreleased sexual tension continued to rise. Combine this with her already turbulent emotions — she just needed a release.
A release where the only factor was joy.
Within an environment, where she didn’t feel guilt or the need to apologise, for being human. Where no-one would judge her for being a woman in every sense of the word.
And in a professional setting where she needn’t worry about calling someone back or going out to dinner, or about them becoming obsessed when she simply didn’t have the energy to give to a relationship. Alice had needs, but she was busy healing. She had nothing else left to commit to developing a relationship.
For sure, masturbation helps for a brief period. However, in the long term, whatever gender you are, we all crave human touch. And so eventually, orgasm and easing sexual frustration needs to rise from intimacy with another person. Don’t underestimate the power of human touch.
That’s why Alice chose to be with someone who provided a sense of love and physical support, whilst expecting no gratification in return. She could come and be satisfied, while having no responsibility for satisfying a partner.
We’re not providing relationships for our clients and whilst there is a huge element of emotional support that comes from the experiences, we don’t offer a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. This leads to a safe environment where our ladies can book a slot to experience pure sexual pleasure with a trained therapist. But, don’t get confused, whilst we’re not here to court you and this is a job, you won’t feel you’re a number.
We talk to all our clients before and often during your session. We’re people working with people, and we hold compassion at the heart of everything we do.
Alice’s husband had died suddenly
This isn’t the case for everyone. Perhaps your partner hasn’t even passed yet. If they’re sick, this is often a prolonged period where your needs come second. But for Alice this wasn’t the case.
There had been a terrible accident, and she didn’t go to bed with the childhood sweetheart who she had woken up with that morning and every morning since they were both only the age of 16.
Alice had been in counselling with a therapist who suggested that she find an outlet with a genuine sexual therapist for her first time since being with her husband to whom she lost her virginity. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not about to offer you sex. This is about sexual relief and avoiding being sexually lonely by giving you one of the most basic human needs. Intimate physical contact.
Alice was nervous
She cancelled her first session. And her second. This is why we take a deposit now, because at some point, you need to have the push to take the very scary first step towards easing your path to being sexually fulfilled.
When she showed up, she parked on the drive and it wasn’t just shyness she was experiencing. She was shaking with a huge fear of the unknown.
- What was she getting herself into?
- Would she end up putting herself in a vulnerable position in which we could take advantage of her?
- What if people found out, it’s not the culture to go looking for affection in strange places?
- What if the guy’s attractiveness meant he had real arrogant qualities?
- And g*d forbid, what if this was a brother type experience masquerading as therapy?
This is natural. For men and females. There is an actual expected sense of shame. also rolled into all of those valid questions.
As soon as you meet us, you’ll know this isn’t what we’re about. We can relate to your situation and don’t forget we’ve trained in something for a reason. We don’t think there is anything wrong with our clients; we want to soothe your pain and frustration.
Some people need words and phrases through the art of verbal counselling, and we offer an alternative to that. A much needed escape from reality through unlocking the deep rooted power of intimacy. We will always respect your boundaries.
Anyway, after that first time, Alice then made the two-hour journey once a week. After about six months she started coming every other week and as she healed and grew in confidence, she knocked back her sessions further until she found a boyfriend.
We glimpsed her again after she suffered another loss, but this time it was only for a few sessions. She could heal way faster this time, which filled our soul with love.
It’s stories like Alice that make us proud to be doing the work we do. Why should touch be limited to those who haven’t suffered an excruciating loss? It’s ridiculous. You need its comfort the most because this is when people are lonely and we don’t believe that our society gets to choose how fulfilled and at peace you are.
Alice’s story could as apply to people who have been the victims of sexual assault, or like we said earlier who still have their partner alive but are still sexually lonely because of individual circumstances. It could also be the story of many people trapped in a loving relationship, but remain bored and lonely.
It doesn’t matter what factors have prompted you to read this article, if you’ve reached this point, then there’s no need for you to continue being miserable, we can help you ease your feelings of sexual loneliness.
NOTE: Alice isn’t real, in that she isn’t one person. Instead, to protect the privacy of all our clients, she is a hybrid, representative of the people we see.