So, why does one partner often shy away from that intimacy over time, whilst another’s sex drive continues?It can be for any number of reasons. For sure, hormones and stress can play a huge role. When women hit a certain age, their hormones change and that drive literally disappears, because the hormones aren’t there to create it anymore. Likewise, stress changes a person’s sexual urges. When people are busy in their lives, through children or work for instance, then that life takes all the available energy that we used to put into feeling sexy around our loved ones. There is simply nothing left in our depleted energy resources to desire our partner. And so a couples sex life understandably dies. But when the other partner is under different strains, or their hormone balance is working out differently, then this is what leads them to complain, I hate my sexless marriage. They may even hate it more because pretty much all the rest of the times they love everything about their life. Including their husband or wife. They certainly don’t want to do anything to mess that up. And so they feel trapped.
Here’s some tales from our clients:
I’ve been happily married for over 40 years (substitute any amount of time in here, we’ve heard this repeatedly). But I barely remember what a sex life was. We used to be at it all over the place, all of the time when we first met but as life moved on her sex drive as diminished and I’m left wanting.
My sex drive is higher than hers, which means that I live most of the time with my sexual needs being unmet. I find myself becoming agitated and short tempered, frustrated if you like. And then I’m flirting around other women, I don’t want to, it’s just something that I find myself doing.
I’d love to discuss this with her, but she just shuts me down. If we do manage to have a sensible conversation, nothing ever changes after our talk. I understand that this is because this aspect of our life is on different paths, but I’m tempted to have an affair even though the idea of being committed to someone else doesn’t float my boat as I love my wife. I don’t want to see a prostitute and I don’t want to cheat behind her back, but telling her this feels like blackmail.
I’ve even thought about splitting up so that I don’t have to live the rest of my life in a sexless marriage. But, is divorce the answer?
We didn’t have sex before we married for religious reasons and now we’ve finally got down to the act, the situation is not good. My wife has always been brought up that sex is bad and now we’re getting down to it, she has an emotional hang up which causes her to clam up at the vital point.
We can’t get past it. I don’t know what to do. Counselling with a therapist hasn’t helped her and I’m resigned to living within a sexless marriage. But i hate the thought of that. I need to be fulfilled.
My husband would be upset if he knew that he just can’t seem to make me orgasm. I know from past experience that this is possible, but he just can’t do the right things.
Our relationship has always been great. But when my wife got sick, so did the health of our physical connection. It’s not something that I feel comfortable having a communication with her about because it’s not her fault that her libido is down. It feels selfish of me to even complain when I think about what she’s going through. But, I still have needs.
It’s the weight. It drives me insane. She fears how I look at her after her weight gain, but I don’t care. I’m sick of being rejected by her, to me she looks wonderful, but she doesn’t believe me. It’s draining. And frustrating.
Here’s how to get the power back.We understand all of the above comments from our clients, your issues although personal to you are also common. Bear in mind that these are just a handful of what we hear on a daily basis. The story is always the same, this is a difficult topic to communicate about with someone you love, because you love them. The very thing that makes them your go-to person for talking, is the one thing that in this instance, stops you from what you’d normally do. Because you don’t want to hurt them. That’s not your intention, you’re just looking to feel good about yourself and have your natural needs met. And your frustration and ultimately anger are all normal based on these unresolved feelings alongside the sense that you are trapped with no alternative to the life you are living.sensual massage, or a tantric massage. The effects of these last them for weeks, often a month and physically reduce the coil that bruises their love. We’re open night and day, so whenever you can grab an hour or so, you can book a last minute appointment and book right on in. It’s really not that difficult. Plus, we’re not going to offer you sex. Not at all. Sexual intimacy is for couples. We will offer you a sensuality unlike anything else that you have ever experienced. The sensations you feel will be strong enough to fulfill you for weeks. This is how we help people, like you, suffering from lack of libido and certainly complaining, ‘I hate my sexless marriage’ without you ever needing to cheat.