Sexual frustration isn’t about not getting enough sex. It’s about not getting enough meaningful sexual interaction.
What is sexual frustration?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you’re humping like rabbits. You’re literally at it every ten minutes. But you never feel satiated?
That’s sexual frustration, and it’s likely because there’s some element of that sexual contact missing whether this be hugging and kissing, a general intimacy in your lovemaking or that you’re just not being taken to orgasm. We’ll explore this more below, but this agitation, anger and anxiety that you feel in these situations is the result of sexual frustration.
So see, we can be sexually frustrated even when we’re having sex. It’s just not the right type of sex. And this inability to meet our sexual desires and needs can lead to damaging psychological effects that we’ll go into later on in this article.
Causes of sexual frustration.
Here are a few causes that both women and men experience when the sex they’re getting, either with their partner or someone else, isn’t satisfying them.
One partner has a higher sex drive than the other. Both partners risk frustration in this complex situation because one isn’t satisfied and the other feels used. And both are valid points. Many of our clients visit us for this reason. The cause may be as simple as being after a baby, or it may be age and hormone related, so previous patterns have shifted. Or it could be that you have always been on different levels here where everything else in your relationship is tip top.
You’re not receiving the level of intimacy in a relationship that makes you feel wanted. Many of our clients tell us that they get sex, but it’s a quickie. It’s all there is time for with the kids.
The issue is that it’s a basic human need to feel skin on skin, to be wanted and needed. And we express that during love making not sex.
This can also happen where one person suffers a body image complex and so doesn’t want to expose themselves in the same way they previously were happy to.
A husband or wife may be busy running the family and be distracted from sex. It’s not that they don’t want it, but the idea doesn’t enter their head. They are too busy and then too tired. They don’t notice their sexual frustration, but their partner, who is out doing what they have always done, does.
If one of the people in the relationship is suffering with a sexual dysfunction disorder e.g. erectile dysfunction, this can lead to anger and resentment.
Often on the sides of both parties.
This is a classic way that sexual frustration manifests as lack of sex often spirals into an accepted pattern, as one or both parties don’t want to address the humiliation of the situation repeating.
Lack of desired sexual contact
You may not have the type of sexual contact that you desire. This could be as simple as a prostate massage being the thing that really satisfies you, but your partner doesn’t want to partake. It could be deeper desires and fantasies that you don’t even want to speak about, let alone play out in reality.
Climaxing is an issue
Relationships are tricky things.
And climaxing too quickly or not at all can be a common bone of contention. This can lead to not wanting to have sex with that person, even though you are sexually stimulated. Being taken half way to orgasm then dropped down can be hugely sexually frustrating.
Following on from the above point, long-distance relationships can be a huge issue with sexual frustration. Many of our clients are in this situation. They don’t want to cheat on their partner, but they do need to be satisfied in a way that only another person can do.
Masturbation whilst useful can often lead to more sexual frustration than it solves in the long run as it gets the body read for sex, which doesn’t follow through. This is where tantra and sensual massage can be a huge help because edging is a wonderful way to enjoy sensual stimulation all the way through to fulfilment.
It’s not that easy to do this on your own. We tend to tip ourselves over the orgasm precipice way too fast.
How many stories have you heard of straight guys in prison turning gay? Just think about it.
Here’s another interesting point. Religion. You’d be surprised at how many of our clients come to us because in their religion sex before marriage is forbidden.
But people are human and they need their physical needs met, but their religion and that of their partner prevents it within their societies.
Some philosophers have even studied the link between extremist Muslim violence and suicide bombers dying for honour and their sexual frustration. There is apparently a scientific link between these murderous feelings and radical traits.
Other forms of self deprivation
Likewise, we’ve all heard about athletes not being able to ‘engage’ before a big event — I guess you could argue that sport is a type of religion for some. And people who are gay, but haven’t yet come out for whatever reason, are another example very often of groups of people who don’t engage in fulfilling sexual activity. Whether this is out of choice or not is not important, simply put, you are still suffering from frustration.
A person’s unwillingness to explore their body could also be a reason for this. It might be your partner not ‘letting loose’ in which case it’s difficult to read the signs and bring them to an explosive orgasm in the way that would make you feel good about yourself. If it’s you, then you’re not engaging with your body in the best possible way and therefore you’re unlikely to ever be anything but sexually frustrated. You simply don’t know how to be anything else if you haven’t yet discovered what makes you tingle to your toes.
Let’s change tack for a moment. Have you ever worked with someone who you are sexually attracted to? It can drive you insane, can’t it. You’re not supposed to have that intimate connection with someone you work with, it can literally screw up your career. And so the attraction and the frustration builds. Society expects us to behave within certain limits.
Look at the Romans, they were all banging anything that moved. They didn’t care if you were male or female. Orgies were an acceptable pastime. But today, that’s not acceptable. Why is that? Surely we still have the same urges we always did.
Signs you are sexually frustrated.
If you easily blow up. Your annoyance level is extreme or you are easily distracted, this change in your base level personality could be a sign your sexuality isn’t being met. This is because you don’t have an outlet for the stress of daily life. When we have sex, it releases chemicals which relax us to our bones. Without that daily life continues to top up the pot, but it’s not being emptied and we become hot headed.
If you have problems falling asleep and while you’re in that state you experience that little niggle in your groin… Yep, this is a sign you’re not getting enough of the right sexual interaction to meet your emotional as well as physical needs. On top of this, sleep deprivation then prompts sexual frustration so you’re on a hiding to nothing here. Our advice, if you don’t want to come and see us, then at least exercise. You can do this hard and fast like cardio, or slow like yoga. This will suit your personality just like your sexual preference.
You think about sex all the time. Seriously, it becomes a fantasy land that you escape to. But you’re still not getting any. This could be part of your problem though, we’re not living in the movies and your fantasy is the movie in your head. Don’t mistake reality and the quality of your dreams. If you do you’ll fast become a prisoner of your own frustrations.
Lack of interest
You might not be interested in masturbating anymore. This is because the accumulated levels of stress in your body lead to you not being able to engage with self satisfaction. This is just the same as if you’re stressed from work.
If you aren’t satisfied after sex, even if you do all the right things. It just doesn’t work out. The issue could be either you or your partner. If you think it’s your partner, then you need to speak with them. But, please, be gentle. Continuing to pretend you’re enjoying sex or any kind of sensual stimulation when you aren’t will lead to a lifetime of no change. And that means no satisfaction. And we already know this leads to rage, and even anxiety and depression further down the line.
How to overcome sexual dissatisfaction and associated frustration.
The way to do this depends on the cause. The usual thing we’d always suggest though is talk to your partner about this. If you can’t because the issue is something you don’t want to accept about yourself, then perhaps this is the time that you make a visit to us.
If the problem is because you’ve grown complacent with your partner, or there are body image issues etc, then change it up. Don’t just head to the marriage bed where you’ve had previous failures. It doesn’t set a great tone.
You have the power to book a hotel, change up to the spare room, or even have a date night before you retire to the same place. But whatever you do, if something is going to change, then you have to change something between the pair of you for that to happen.
And don’t focus on intercourse. Focus on the love you share between you. Every therapist will tell you the rest will follow when you are comfortable around each other again.
If you have guilt over something you have done or thought about, then push this to one side. You are with your partner at this point in time. Embrace them and this situation, the past will only ever be that. It can’t be changed.
If sex drive is an issue, then boost it. Play games. Married therapy will always push for new experiences to be the solution. A little like we said about the place earlier, mix up the routine. It could be a fast track solution that will easily influence the success of your future sex life.
To book a sensual massage and relieve your sexual frustration text us today.
Firstly, before we look at why we cheat, let’s examine what is it to love?
The last 45 years of psychological research has established some commonalities that happen when you fall in love.
1. A person takes on special meaning, the world has a new centre in the person that you have fallen in love with. Love is blind and you can easily ignore the things that you don’t like about that person.
2. You become sexually possessive of them.
3. An intense craving to be around that particular person. You want to spend any and every part of your life with them.
4. You have a motivation towards this person, which becomes an obsession. You would die for that person without a second thought.
A research piece studied the same amount of people who were in requited love and unrequited love. The study involved the participants looking at a photograph of their loved one against when they weren’t.
Here are the results:
Romantic love is a physical response, it’s not an emotion. It is spurred from the wanting and craving part of the mind that is a driving force a little like what makes us strive for a work promotion.
This driver is more powerful than the desire for sex. Because this is only an emotion. And emotions only last a maximum of 90 seconds. Think about it this way, we die for love but if we’re rejected sexually from someone we brush it off and move forward.
This could explain why we cheat, Or even why people become serial cheaters. We’ve all heard men justify to their wives that ‘it didn’t mean anything.’ This may be true. But to a woman who has fallen foul to point two above, she is sexually possessive and is not at all bothered about whether the sexual interaction was meaningful.
This could also account for a similar response from a man who is outraged at an emotional affair his wife is having. In this situation, it’s likely that nothing physical has happened, but because of point one, the emotional possessiveness is in play.
What are the recent reasons for cheating?
When we talk about cheating most people think about a men. It’s how our brains are wired, but they are cheating with someone. In the traditional line up of a relationship comprising male and female, we’re then looking at a man running off for a non-meaningful sexual encounter with a woman who is more predisposed to falling in love. This imbalance can cause issues and is why men have, throughout history, found professional women for their philanderings. Because surviving infidelity is tricky at best.
Here are the two most profound social trends that have an impact on lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner. And hence on why cheating is so much more accessible.
Women moving into the workforce.
Everywhere in the world women are moving into the job market and are closing the gap between men; economically, health wise and education wise. Men and women are different, our brains are different.
Women have a better verbal ability to men
,Finding the right words is a powerful force. 54% of American writers are women because they are imaginative, can plan through web thinking and can put them into complex patterns and see outcomes.
Men focus more, they move in a step-by-step thinking pattern.
This creates a collaborative society where women feel more able to reciprocate where they would in the past have deferred male advances.
In short, women are starting to express their sexuality. Women also start sooner and have more partners. They have kids later and are generally more free. This means that men have a choice of people to sleep with.
We’re also seeing a rise in romantic love, people will not marry anymore if they are not ‘in love’. Arranged marriages are on their decline. It is thought that marriage may become more stable.
There is an ageing population, some research suggests middle age should be 85 because it’s not until we get to this age that there’s something really something wrong with us. And the older we get, the less likely you are to divorce. But do you still need the chemical hit associated with the rush of new love.
Is this also a contributing factor inot why we cheat?
Women have never been more educated, interesting, and able to be a good partner.
If this is the case, why do we cheat?
An orgasm creates a dopamine spike which can genuinely cause the person to fall in love, or at least feel that deep attachment for someone else. And these can work hand in hand with our deep attachment to our long-term partner. In short, it is chemically possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. This is natural for us.
This is where the problems start.
If we think of a quickie, then that doesn’t seem emotionally complicated. Except that, as we’ve discovered, having an orgasm can stimulate the chemicals that make us fall in love. And who wants their marriage risking for the sake of a quickie?
If you’re attracted to a person, do you start out cheating, without wanting to fall in love. But, then you naturally enter the proverbial triangle we have talked about above.
We know now from research it is possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. Research has shown this. Whilst it may all seem great at the start, does it ever stay that way? Messy!
Many people end up on antidepressants. And that has a complication all of its own.
The role of antidepressants in love and whether we cheat.
Antidepressants add drugs, serotonin enhancing chemicals into our system, which suppress the dopamine circuit.
Dopamine is associated with romantic love. Antidepressants also kill your sex drive which kills orgasm and in turn, kills the flood of positive chemicals associated with attachment.
When you tamper with the brain in one place, physics means it alters another. It’s impossible not to. And so we end up living in a world without love.
Without love, we have even less reason not to cheat.
Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?
Timing is important when falling in love, proximity too, but also mysteriousness because this elevates dopamine. This could explain why people cheat.
Likewise if you go off and do something unique with someone, this also elevates dopamine. This is how affairs can lead to issues, and why it’s important to see a professional such as having a massage with hand relief — it gives the physical release without the emotional complications. In the long run it’s a lot cheaper too.
Here’s a story about love to finish with.
One grad student in love with another. The love was not returned. Knowing the above how about doing something unique with a person can help to improve your chances of love. The guy asked the girl to go on a rickshaw ride with him. She obliged, loved it. And after it was finished, she threw up her hands and said, “That was wonderful. And wasn’t the rickshaw driver handsome.”
We’re all conditioned to men being the hunter gatherers and historically it being accepted that they go out and sow their sperm in as many vagina’s as possible to ensure their lineage continues into the future.
But did you know that women also have a similar instinct?
Women behaved in a very different sexual way to how modern society has conditioned them into acting today. It’s important for women to make sure that she has the best chance of strong offspring, naturally women also have a basic instinct to mate with as many partners as possible.
This gives a female the optimal chance of her body naturally selecting the best sperm. The other benefit of this was that none of the men knew who the father was, so all had a vested interest in keeping her and her child alive. It was the only way to ensure that what could potentially be their child, and therefore their DNA makeup, would survive.
Jump forward around 950 000 years and society has conditioned us into believing we should behave in another way. Even a toe dipped in the water of sensual enlightening such as women massage (even without the inclusion of yoni) if frowned upon.
Keep it private and go for it. Life is about collecting experiences and living to our fullest potential. It’s none of anyone else’s business.
So, here are the health issue implications from modern society’s take on how we should behave.
Lack of arousal can lead to substandard health.
When a woman is in a situation whereby she’s denying her natural sexuality (platonic relationship), suppressing these (cultural and religious) or simply by just ignoring them (rape or trauma) then this lack of erotic arousal will affect her health. And not for the good.
Just think back to a time when you experienced sexual frustration, or even the loneliness that comes from a lack of personal intimacy. How did that make you feel? We know that frustration can lead to anxiety, and that feeling of being alone can lead to depression.
And the head rules the health of our physical body if this situation i allowed to continue.
How to avoid this.
Masturbation is one solution and although this is great, you get the short term endorphin effects of the pleasure spike; it doesn’t recreate the intimacy. Foreplay and being penetrated by another creates a fulfilling primal energy.
This is where the sensual massage and specifically the yoni tantra massage come into their own.
By seeing a professional sensual masseur, you’ll be transported off to a place in your imagination so powerful that you will no longer be lacking. Their hands will create the same erotic effect during women massage that you’ll experience during varied and prolonged sexual stimulation.
All of this before we even start to think about the intimacy of skilled fingers arousing every sensitive nerve ending on your body. You’ll feel the effects immediately.
Our clients are emotionally unlocked after a women massage. Everything that they’ve kept bolted down inside comes flooding out to combine physical release of frustration with sexual. This leads to an understandable knock on effect of being more grounded. Our clients feel less anxious, and we’ve explained the reasons for this earlier. Their calm leads to them being more confident generally through life. And this all follows down the chain of life to mean they are more relaxed and thus way healthier.
Feeling good doesn’t stop there. This added confidence can lead to an improved life balance for example, eating is more controlled, weight falls off and then the cycle of confidence and health only further develops.
There are also some physical effects that come from this lack of tension.
While scoring an orgasm is a great inducer for having a women massage with the inclusion of the yoni, in addition to noticing a hotter sex life after your massage, you’ll also perhaps experience a reduction in pain.
Pelvic pain and trauma?
If you’re suffering with pain or if you’re holding trauma and tightness in your pelvic floor, then be sure to let your therapist know. He can adapt the session to improve these symptoms by incorporating more breathing into the ritual, before and during your yoni massage.
We hold tension in our pelvis for many deep emotional reasons which the therapy can release.
But the practice of massages can also relax tension from activity, such as the way we stand or sit. This can cause fascia to tighten around the space. When your therapist uses their fingers to hit different spots, combining this with your breathing will release rigidity.
If you’ve had problems with orgasms in the past, you’ll be surprised how this physical relaxing can free up your pleasure receptors too.
Emotional trauma can also impact how this spot tightens. During the treatment, your masseur will first connect with you. You’ll perform breathing exercises at the beginning to connect on a deep subconscious level. This process works a bit like meditation and is one of the key techniques, the purpose of which is to make you more comfortable.
Following this with a light, non-invasive touch will bring about even more positive emotions. Your therapist will always go at your pace. And only ever with your permission.
This gentle attention is nourishing to your emotional self. You’ll naturally open and feel less pain stored on a psychological and physical level than in the past. It’s only then that treatments will deepen to incorporate a loving pressure to the internal muscles on the wall of your vagina. If you give permission.
What will people think?
Who cares! They don’t need to know. Plus with vaginal steaming and labiaplasty procedures vaginal beauty is having a huge moment. Why would a women massage including yoni tantra be any different?
Regardless, this is something that you’re doing for yourself in a safe environment with a trained professional. And did we say it’s for yourself? It doesn’t affect anyone else.
It doesn’t matter about your age, we’ve worked with clients who are anything from 18 to 80. Tantric massage isn’t governed by how many days you have lived on this earth. It’s about connecting through the tissue to a deeper place, which ultimately leads to a way deeper touch.
Our clients also range from married women, divorced women, ladies who are in a couple with a partner but remain unfulfilled sexually. We also work with women who are single and are after more than any one-night stand with an untrained stranger can produce. Another important section of our client base is helping women who have recently suffered a break up or loss move forward with their lives. Emotionally and sexually.
The healing benefits of being with a trained tantra therapist are special. Whether you’re looking to unlock that elusive orgasm, or have a session to heal emotional wounds, we’re with you. We don’t judge and your male practitioner is experienced. He knows what a vulva is all about, how to combine this with the sensitive nerves in and around your vagina with those in your clitoris so you leave having risen like a phoenix from the ashes.
Why do our clients want women massage with yoni tantra?
“I’m not sexually satisfied by my partner and need relief”
“I naturally have an inbuilt/ in bread guilt about sex and sexual intimacy”
“Neither myself nor my partner have the sexual skill to satisfy me”
“I’m no longer suited to my partner”
“My partner is complacent about our lovemaking. Little or no foreplay”
“I’ve recently had an increase in my libido”
“What’s wrong with a little non-involved sensual discovery? I want some time to myself”
“I love my partner, but our relationship is sexually lacking”
“A relationship is too much trouble, I don’t have the time or the energy to commit what is needed. The convenience is great for me.”
“My body image was lacking. The services these guys offer is second to none in terms of both sensitivity to my feelings and insecurities, but also the genuine relaxation that I feel after my release.”
“It feels great to have my thighs massaged all the way to the top. This kind of sensual massage has always been a fantasy of mine. And it doesn’t disappoint. I wish I’d done it sooner.”
“The women massage offers me comfort since my husband has died, both during and after the session.”
This is not sex. At no point during the women massage, or the yoni tantra massage will you be offered or expected to deliver sex. This is purely a beautiful but professional therapeutic guide across the erogenous zones of your mind and body to help with sensual discovery of your sexual and emotional self. For more information please read our Frequently Asked Questions
If you’re looking for sensual massage music on Spotify then you’re in a great place, because as sensual massage experts we know the importance of setting the mood. Everything from mood lighting to the low music you listen to in the background all combine to enhance the sensuality of the experience.
That’s why we’ve personalised a playlist that will help you personalise the massage you give to your loved one and drive, the best, most intimate moments in time. Oh and by the way. This works great whether you’re a couple or just meeting someone for the first time. Just be sure if this is a stranger, that you perhaps knock back some of the middle songs until later on in the massage experience, they’re definitely not the kind of songs you’d hear in a spa.
Here’s our playlist.
Breathing SynchronisationTantric Music Masters — This first one does what it says on the tin. When we conjoin our breathing at the beginning, then this is the perfect accompaniment as it helps to mask any self-consciousness
Healing Beats Tantra Yoga Masters — The way the music eases in and out of this is reminiscent of heavy breathing. This helps to reduce any embarrassment either one of you may have about letting go.
Erotic Senses Tantric Massage — Again another track which guides your partner into the confidence of letting go.
Sounds of Pleasure Tantric Massage — Pleasure grows more overt now.
Night Tantra Tantra Yoga Masters— Whilst we don’t recommend bird music generally for encouraging stimulation, this one is a great choice for when the tension is building as it represents the static in your brain as energy whooshes around and you start to lose control.
Men Tantra Tantra Yoga Masters— Also the right choice for when that hot tension is building.
Just Believe Tantra Yoga Masters– Perfect for when you’re coming back down again, during the process of edging.
Slow Love on Beach Tantric Music – Just a moment of calm where the waves represent the swooshing of your hormones.
Own Thoughts Tantra Yoga Masters — When we’re building back to another crescendo this is a wonderful choice.
Natural Aphrodisiac Tantric Massage — When you’re done and both of you are soooo relaxed and on that endorphin high.
Couple Meditation — Love Romance Music Zone — Drifting off to sleep holding each other close as you float away in each other’s arms.
We could go on forever, particularly as this will probably be more than a snatched moment alone. So, below are some tips on how to make sure you expand your list on Spotify to meet your personal requirements.
Finding your own music.
If you’re looking for beautiful hot tantra music that will get your partner hot then don’t just plump for new age wellness bird songs and waterfalls. There are a ton of generic relaxing playlists out there that wrap themselves up as being sensual, when in truth they’re no more sexy or erotic than a day out in nature.
You are looking for something with an undercurrent. A beat that will tune in with your heart and music made from erotic undertones rather than light flutes that reduce stress.
For sure, the whole point of tantra and sensual massage is that we reduce stress so you and your partner can get in touch with your inner sensuality, but there are ways to do this. And music that concentrates on those pure points to relax will induce calming moments rather than the intensity of sweaty skin on skin.
To make this Spotify playlist yourself, all you need to do is open up the Spotify app and find the songs. Then follow our guide on how to choose appropriately sexy tracks for the purity of each moment and then you can relax in the knowledge that when the time is right, you have everything you need.
Do I need to know anything about tantric massage to be able to give a great sensual massage to my partner?
It helps for sure. If you can personalise the experience you give someone with expert knowledge then all the better. But if you don’t then we’ve written this blog full of tips and advice for the specific purposes of helping you wherever you are in the tantric journey.
I’d prefer to experience a professional sensual or tantric massage services beforehand. Is this OK?
Yes, just book in by texting us on 07982 491392 and we’ll get you booked in. That way when you give the sensual massage to your partners you have experienced it yourself, you have a benchmark for your own measurement which gives you confidence.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to tell the difference between these hot tantric tunes and spa sounds
Oh, you will. Once you’ve listened to a few of the hot tracks, you’ll hear how they help partners to open up and their beat mimics the beautiful junctures of your sexy massage. You’ll hear that even in the calm moments, even though there is a relaxing undertone, this also combines with some kind of a reference to the sounds of our body’s. Listen closely and you’ll soon be able to spot the lilt of pure new age music which is only focussed on nature and calming.
But, like we said earlier, don’t be fooled by the title of the album or track in the app. Nor by the cover. Listen to the sounds that run through and if you have the right tracks, you’ll hear a rise of a waterfall that subsides like the rush of an orgasm. Or the calming wash of a wave will suddenly crash. White noise will distort everything else that plays behind it. That’s the type of sound you’re listening for,
These may not on the surface sound like sexy sounds, but when you tie them into the rise and fall of a great sensual massage, and the way your body and heart will race and then relax, you’re onto a winner.
How can I make my massage erotic, rather than just a boring old massage.
In this blog we’re talking about music and specifically tuning into Spotify so you have the music ready and you can just press play. But, first off, think about what would need to be in place to make this a calming moment for you. Get that right and you’re half way there. We’ll cover off some more tips to avoid producing a moment which is a simple stress buster and will help make sure that you turn this into one of those beautiful intimate moments where you’ll relax, but also engage.
Do your research, listen to the music ahead of time, save it into the Spotify app and then find the right moment when you’re both relaxing and gradually build up the heat together.
Part of the process and tantric massages that we provide in Romford, Essex are all about slowly languishing in the pleasure of erogenous zones. Using how the nerve endings of our body can bring us pleasure in an area that isn’t necessarily associated with sex.
These zones are sensitive parts of your body which due to their heightened sensitivity increase our sexual arousal
Pretty much every adult, and some well below that age, know about the well known ones, the clitoris and so on. But, read on because they are found all over the body. So to learn a few of our secrets about how to stimulate your partner’s arousal with other, lesser known sensitive parts of their skin.
First off, what is an erogenous zone?
Each is a little different. Both from person to person, and with your mood. That’s why it’s important during a sensual massage to tap into your brain first, and calm it. This ensures that you feel to your max.
An erogenous zone may also be known as erotogenic, and while everyone gets hot and bothered for different ones of these they do act like a road map to your pleasure zones.
Genital erotogenic zones
The clitoris is point number one for sensitivity on a woman. But, did you know this. The part that you can see, is literally only the tip of the iceberg. These sensitive nerves extend all the way down to circle the vagina. So, don’t just stop at external clit play. Work in some internal action too.
The G-Spot sits within the vagina on the front wall. It’s through that this is where a bunch of nerves meet. But, did you know, higher up towards the top of the vagina, the cervix also has its own bunch of feel-good pathways that contribute towards climax,
The penis as we know from our tantra work is also known the wand of light and boy, does it light up. Just a small amount of stimulation and the thing is throbbing like this will be its last chance. But there’s more to sexual satisfaction. Work in the scrotum and you’re hovering around a ton of nerves there that run a little like those from the female clitoris. And bam. The pleasure is heightened.
What about erogenous zones around the rest of the body?
Erogenous zones are all over your body. Different areas of skin can be oh so sensitive. Try it out with your partner, different pressures, differing sensory experiences. A blindfold doesn’t have to be threatening. It can be highly erotic.
The breast, on both men and women can drive you crazy. Everyone has a differing amount of sensitivity here, but if you take it slow you’ll be sure to tease pleasure from your loved one.
This brings us to our next point, the nipples. This little nub of nerves can just need one touch on some people, while on others, that’s too much on its own. Others roll their eyes at the idea. BUT. And listen closely. This isn’t called erogenous for no reason. Take step one seriously, gently build that tension and your partner will be begging for their nipples to be tweaked.
Feet. Oh wow. Now, have you ever touched someone’s feet and they jump out of the way? That ticklish response is an erogenous zone. Even if people say they don’t like it. Calm their mind first though. And then bam. Watch them crawl around oozing pleasure.
And don’t forget, you don’t just have hands for touching, and caressing and stroking, and generally for creating any kind of pleasurable sensations. Mix it up. Use different pressures, graze an ear, flick a tongue or scrape your fingers across a lower back.
Take a leaf out of the tantric book and use kissing, your breath or different fabrics and textures to heighten that pleasure. And once you reach the lower areas of your lover’s body, don’t just hang around there.
Keep it moving.
Keep it fresh.
The more we mix it up, the more it confuses our brain and then the more difficult it is for us to concentrate on reality. Imagine, you’re being driven crazy and begging for your breasts, nipple and areola to be taken between your lover’s teeth. You’re not going to start thinking about putting the washing on or getting the car serviced, are you?
Erogenous zones and orgasm.
You find yourself in the arms of your loved one and those orgasmic waves are building. You’re desperate for release. But don’t rush. Stay close, on the brink, but do not allow yourself to fall over the edge.
As a lover, male or female, when you sense your partner being stimulated to the point of no return. Stop. Lightly tickle a foot, brush your lips over the nape of her neck. Nibble on his navel. Take your time because this experience is about the pleasure, not the end result. That will come in time.
This is the point where you should be using your fingertips to caress those intimate areas that allow your partner to catch their breath. Kiss and move until the sensations of the orgasms calms. Run your nails through his hair, stroke your palms up the inside of his thighs. Take your own pleasure in creating sexy sucking noises along his side, his pubic bone and then breath heat, but don’t touch over his penis tip.
If your partner is begging to be kissed, place your finger at the tip of their mouth, place your lips so close your breath whispers over their wet lips. But don’t give in to that kiss until you’ve made their genitals crave to connect with yours with a fierce passion created out of having to work for it.
When is it time?
When you’ve hit all the spots and those erogenous zones have done their work, you’ve caressed their inner legs, nuzzled behind their ear and had a certain amount of anus and perineum play too. Your partner has been brought to the brink more than once and they are starting to sag back onto the bed. This is when it’s time to have some human compassion and begin massaging their private parts with a renewed focus. This is when you should set them free with that liberating sensation of a gentle build which crescendos into them eventually tearing down any walls they have built and releasing an almighty cry of obvious sexuality. Their ejaculation is fierce as you guide them to a vibrating passion that rips into their spinal cord as their receptors blow and their exaggerated excitement has them coming beyond any of their previous thresholds.
This feather like control is how you not only find, but use erogenous zones to colour your partner’s passion so that anything less in the future will always be compared.
Watch all about how to use this gentle power and what it means.
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