Why we love, and why we cheat.

Why we love, and why we cheat.

Firstly, before we look at why we cheat, let’s examine what is it to love?

The last 45 years of psychological research has established some commonalities that happen when you fall in love.

1. A person takes on special meaning, the world has a new centre in the person that you have fallen in love with. Love is blind and you can easily ignore the things that you don’t like about that person.

2. You become sexually possessive of them.

3. An intense craving to be around that particular person. You want to spend any and every part of your life with them.

4. You have a motivation towards this person, which becomes an obsession. You would die for that person without a second thought.

A research piece studied the same amount of people who were in requited love and unrequited love. The study involved the participants looking at a photograph of their loved one against when they weren’t. 

Here are the results:

Romantic love is a physical response, it’s not an emotion. It is spurred from the wanting and craving part of the mind that is a driving force a little like what makes us strive for a work promotion.

This driver is more powerful than the desire for sex. Because this is only an emotion. And emotions only last a maximum of 90 seconds. Think about it this way, we die for love but if we’re rejected sexually from someone we brush it off and move forward.

This could explain why we cheat, Or even why people become serial cheaters. We’ve all heard men justify to their wives that ‘it didn’t mean anything.’ This may be true. But to a woman who has fallen foul to point two above, she is sexually possessive and is not at all bothered about whether the sexual interaction was meaningful.

This could also account for a similar response from a man who is outraged at an emotional affair his wife is having. In this situation, it’s likely that nothing physical has happened, but because of point one, the emotional possessiveness is in play.

What are the recent reasons for cheating?

When we talk about cheating most people think about a men. It’s how our brains are wired, but they are cheating with someone. In the traditional line up of a relationship comprising male and female, we’re then looking at a man running off for a non-meaningful sexual encounter with a woman who is more predisposed to falling in love. This imbalance can cause issues and is why men have, throughout history, found professional women for their philanderings. Because surviving infidelity is tricky at best.

Here are the two most profound social trends that have an impact on lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner. And hence on why cheating is so much more accessible.

Women moving into the workforce.

Everywhere in the world women are moving into the job market and are closing the gap between men; economically, health wise and education wise. Men and women are different, our brains are different. 

Women have a better verbal ability to men

,Finding the right words is a powerful force. 54% of American writers are women because they are imaginative, can plan through web thinking and can put them into complex patterns and see outcomes.

Men focus more, they move in a step-by-step thinking pattern.

This creates a collaborative society where women feel more able to reciprocate where they would in the past have deferred male advances.

In short, women are starting to express their sexuality. Women also start sooner and have more partners. They have kids later and are generally more free. This means that men have a choice of people to sleep with.

We’re also seeing a rise in romantic love, people will not marry anymore if they are not ‘in love’. Arranged marriages are on their decline. It is thought that marriage may become more stable.

There is an ageing population, some research suggests middle age should be 85 because it’s not until we get to this age that there’s something really something wrong with us. And the older we get, the less likely you are to divorce. But do you still need the chemical hit associated with the rush of new love.

Is this also a contributing factor inot why we cheat?

Women have never been more educated, interesting, and able to be a good partner. 

If this is the case, why do we cheat?

Lust. 

An orgasm creates a dopamine spike which can genuinely cause the person to fall in love, or at least feel that deep attachment for someone else. And these can work hand in hand with our deep attachment to our long-term partner. In short, it is chemically possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. This is natural for us.

This is where the problems start.

If we think of a quickie, then that doesn’t seem emotionally complicated. Except that, as we’ve discovered, having an orgasm can stimulate the chemicals that make us fall in love. And who wants their marriage risking for the sake of a quickie?

If you’re attracted to a person, do you start out cheating, without wanting to fall in love. But, then you naturally enter the proverbial triangle we have talked about above.

We know now from research it is possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. Research has shown this. Whilst it may all seem great at the start, does it ever stay that way? Messy!

Many people end up on antidepressants. And that has a complication all of its own.

The role of antidepressants in love and whether we cheat.

Antidepressants add drugs, serotonin enhancing chemicals into our system, which suppress the dopamine circuit.

Dopamine is associated with romantic love. Antidepressants also kill your sex drive which kills orgasm and in turn, kills the flood of positive chemicals associated with attachment.

When you tamper with the brain in one place, physics means it alters another. It’s impossible not to. And so we end up living in a world without love.

Without love, we have even less reason not to cheat.

Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?

Timing is important when falling in love, proximity too, but also mysteriousness because this elevates dopamine. This could explain why people cheat.

Likewise if you go off and do something unique with someone, this also elevates dopamine. This is how affairs can lead to issues, and why it’s important to see a professional such as having a massage with hand relief — it gives the physical release without the emotional complications. In the long run it’s a lot cheaper too.

Here’s a story about love to finish with.

One grad student in love with another. The love was not returned. Knowing the above how about doing something unique with a person can help to improve your chances of love. The guy asked the girl to go on a rickshaw ride with him. She obliged, loved it. And after it was finished, she threw up her hands and said, “That was wonderful. And wasn’t the rickshaw driver handsome.”

Women massage — benefits and other things you need to know.

Women massage — benefits and other things you need to know.

We’re all conditioned to men being the hunter gatherers and historically it being accepted that they go out and sow their sperm in as many vagina’s as possible to ensure their lineage continues into the future.

But did you know that women also have a similar instinct?

Women behaved in a very different sexual way to how modern society has conditioned them into acting today. It’s important for women to make sure that she has the best chance of strong offspring, naturally women also have a basic instinct to mate with as many partners as possible.

This gives a female the optimal chance of her body naturally selecting the best sperm. The other benefit of this was that none of the men knew who the father was, so all had a vested interest in keeping her and her child alive. It was the only way to ensure that what could potentially be their child, and therefore their DNA makeup, would survive. 

Jump forward around 950 000 years and society has conditioned us into believing we should behave in another way. Even a toe dipped in the water of sensual enlightening such as women massage (even without the inclusion of yoni) if frowned upon.

Keep it private and go for it. Life is about collecting experiences and living to our fullest potential. It’s none of anyone else’s business.

So, here are the health issue implications from modern society’s take on how we should behave.

Lack of arousal can lead to substandard health.

When a woman is in a situation whereby she’s denying her natural sexuality (platonic relationship), suppressing these (cultural and religious) or simply by just ignoring them (rape or trauma) then this lack of erotic arousal will affect her health. And not for the good.

Just think back to a time when you experienced sexual frustration, or even the loneliness that comes from a lack of personal intimacy. How did that make you feel? We know that frustration can lead to anxiety, and that feeling of being alone can lead to depression.

And the head rules the health of our physical body if this situation i allowed to continue.

How to avoid this.

Masturbation is one solution and although this is great, you get the short term endorphin effects of the pleasure spike; it doesn’t recreate the intimacy. Foreplay and being penetrated by another creates a fulfilling primal energy.

This is where the sensual massage and specifically the yoni tantra massage come into their own.

By seeing a professional sensual masseur, you’ll be transported off to a place in your imagination so powerful that you will no longer be lacking. Their hands will create the same erotic effect during women massage that you’ll experience during varied and prolonged sexual stimulation.

All of this before we even start to think about the intimacy of skilled fingers arousing every sensitive nerve ending on your body. You’ll feel the effects immediately. 

Our clients are emotionally unlocked after a women massage. Everything that they’ve kept bolted down inside comes flooding out to combine physical release of frustration with sexual. This leads to an understandable knock on effect of being more grounded. Our clients feel less anxious, and we’ve explained the reasons for this earlier. Their calm leads to them being more confident generally through life. And this all follows down the chain of life to mean they are more relaxed and thus way healthier. 

Feeling good doesn’t stop there. This added confidence can lead to an improved life balance for example, eating is more controlled, weight falls off and then the cycle of confidence and health only further develops.

There are also some physical effects that come from this lack of tension.

While scoring an orgasm is a great inducer for having a women massage with the inclusion of the yoni, in addition to noticing a hotter sex life after your massage, you’ll also perhaps experience a reduction in pain.

Pelvic pain and trauma?

If you’re suffering with pain or if you’re holding trauma and tightness in your pelvic floor, then be sure to let your therapist know. He can adapt the session to improve these symptoms by incorporating more breathing into the ritual, before and during your yoni massage.

We hold tension in our pelvis for many deep emotional reasons which the therapy can release. 

But the practice of massages can also relax tension from activity, such as the way we stand or sit. This can cause fascia to tighten around the space. When your therapist uses their fingers to hit different spots, combining this with your breathing will release rigidity.

If you’ve had problems with orgasms in the past, you’ll be surprised how this physical relaxing can free up your pleasure receptors too. 

Emotional trauma can also impact how this spot tightens. During the treatment, your masseur will first connect with you. You’ll perform breathing exercises at the beginning to connect on a deep subconscious level. This process works a bit like meditation and is one of the key techniques, the purpose of which is to make you more comfortable. 

Following this with a light, non-invasive touch will bring about even more positive emotions. Your therapist will always go at your pace. And only ever with your permission.

This gentle attention is nourishing to your emotional self. You’ll naturally open and feel less pain stored on a psychological and physical level than in the past. It’s only then that treatments will deepen to incorporate a loving pressure to the internal muscles on the wall of your vagina. If you give permission.

What will people think?

Who cares! They don’t need to know. Plus with vaginal steaming and labiaplasty procedures vaginal beauty is having a huge moment. Why would a women massage including yoni tantra be any different?

Regardless, this is something that you’re doing for yourself in a safe environment with a trained professional. And did we say it’s for yourself? It doesn’t affect anyone else.

It doesn’t matter about your age, we’ve worked with clients who are anything from 18 to 80. Tantric massage isn’t governed by how many days you have lived on this earth. It’s about connecting through the tissue to a deeper place, which ultimately leads to a way deeper touch.

Our clients also range from married women, divorced women, ladies who are in a couple with a partner but remain unfulfilled sexually. We also work with women who are single and are after more than any one-night stand with an untrained stranger can produce. Another important section of our client base is helping women who have recently suffered a break up or loss move forward with their lives. Emotionally and sexually.

The healing benefits of being with a trained tantra therapist are special. Whether you’re looking to unlock that elusive orgasm, or have a session to heal emotional wounds, we’re with you. We don’t judge and your male practitioner is experienced. He knows what a vulva is all about, how to combine this with the sensitive nerves in and around your vagina with those in your clitoris so you leave having risen like a phoenix from the ashes. 

Why do our clients want women massage with yoni tantra?

“I’m not sexually satisfied by my partner and need relief”

“I naturally have an inbuilt/ in bread guilt about sex and sexual intimacy”

“Neither myself nor my partner have the sexual skill to satisfy me”

“I’m no longer suited to my partner”

“My partner is complacent about our lovemaking. Little or no foreplay”

“I’ve recently had an increase in my libido”

“What’s wrong with a little non-involved sensual discovery? I want some time to myself”

“I love my partner, but our relationship is sexually lacking”

“A relationship is too much trouble, I don’t have the time or the energy to commit what is needed. The convenience is great for me.”

“My body image was lacking. The services these guys offer is second to none in terms of both sensitivity to my feelings and insecurities, but also the genuine relaxation that I feel after my release.”

“It feels great to have my thighs massaged all the way to the top. This kind of sensual massage has always been a fantasy of mine. And it doesn’t disappoint. I wish I’d done it sooner.”

“The women massage offers me comfort since my husband has died, both during and after the session.”

Please note:

This is not sex. At no point during the women massage, or the yoni tantra massage will you be offered or expected to deliver sex. This is purely a beautiful but professional therapeutic guide across the erogenous zones of your mind and body to help with sensual discovery of your sexual and emotional self. For more information please read our Frequently Asked Questions

Sensual massage music Spotify

Sensual massage music Spotify

If you’re looking for sensual massage music on Spotify then you’re in a great place, because as sensual massage experts we know the importance of setting the mood. Everything from mood lighting to the low music you listen to in the background all combine to enhance the sensuality of the experience.

That’s why we’ve personalised a playlist that will help you personalise the massage you give to your loved one and drive, the best, most intimate moments in time. Oh and by the way. This works great whether you’re a couple or just meeting someone for the first time. Just be sure if this is a stranger, that you perhaps knock back some of the middle songs until later on in the massage experience, they’re definitely not the kind of songs you’d hear in a spa.

Here’s our playlist.

Breathing Synchronisation Tantric Music Masters — This first one does what it says on the tin. When we conjoin our breathing at the beginning, then this is the perfect accompaniment as it helps to mask any self-consciousness

Energy Merging — Love Romance Music Zone — Exactly as it says, your breathing is aligned and your energy is interlinking. A beautiful spiritual moment.

Fertility Energy Tantric Music Masters — The beat in this song is at the exact right tempo to engage with your heartbeat and encourage stimulation

Male therapist giving female sensual massage yoni tantric
Make your massage an erotic massage with the right sensual music from Spotify

Night With Goddess –Tantric Massage — The heartbeat speeds for this track.

Healing Beats Tantra Yoga Masters — The way the music eases in and out of this is reminiscent of heavy breathing. This helps to reduce any embarrassment either one of you may have about letting go.

Erotic Senses Tantric Massage — Again another track which guides your partner into the confidence of letting go.

Sounds of Pleasure Tantric Massage — Pleasure grows more overt now.

Night Tantra Tantra Yoga Masters— Whilst we don’t recommend bird music generally for encouraging stimulation, this one is a great choice for when the tension is building as it represents the static in your brain as energy whooshes around and you start to lose control.

Men Tantra Tantra Yoga Masters— Also the right choice for when that hot tension is building.

Just Believe Tantra Yoga Masters– Perfect for when you’re coming back down again, during the process of edging.

Slow Love on Beach Tantric Music – Just a moment of calm where the waves represent the swooshing of your hormones.

Own Thoughts Tantra Yoga Masters — When we’re building back to another crescendo this is a wonderful choice.

Natural Aphrodisiac Tantric Massage — When you’re done and both of you are soooo relaxed and on that endorphin high.

Couple Meditation — Love Romance Music Zone — Drifting off to sleep holding each other close as you float away in each other’s arms.

We could go on forever, particularly as this will probably be more than a snatched moment alone. So, below are some tips on how to make sure you expand your list on Spotify to meet your personal requirements.

Naked woman lying on front while man gives tantra massage
Find your own music, find your own style. But don’t lose the heat.

Finding your own music.

If you’re looking for beautiful hot tantra music that will get your partner hot then don’t just plump for new age wellness bird songs and waterfalls. There are a ton of generic relaxing playlists out there that wrap themselves up as being sensual, when in truth they’re no more sexy or erotic than a day out in nature.

You are looking for something with an undercurrent. A beat that will tune in with your heart and music made from erotic undertones rather than light flutes that reduce stress.

For sure, the whole point of tantra and sensual massage is that we reduce stress so you and your partner can get in touch with your inner sensuality, but there are ways to do this. And music that concentrates on those pure points to relax will induce calming moments rather than the intensity of sweaty skin on skin.

To make this Spotify playlist yourself, all you need to do is open up the Spotify app and find the songs. Then follow our guide on how to choose appropriately sexy tracks for the purity of each moment and then you can relax in the knowledge that when the time is right, you have everything you need.

Do I need to know anything about tantric massage to be able to give a great sensual massage to my partner?

It helps for sure. If you can personalise the experience you give someone with expert knowledge then all the better. But if you don’t then we’ve written this blog full of tips and advice for the specific purposes of helping you wherever you are in the tantric journey.

I’d prefer to experience a professional sensual or tantric massage services beforehand. Is this OK?

Yes, just book in by texting us on 07982 491392 and we’ll get you booked in. That way when you give the sensual massage to your partners you have experienced it yourself, you have a benchmark for your own measurement which gives you confidence.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to tell the difference between these hot tantric tunes and spa sounds

Oh, you will. Once you’ve listened to a few of the hot tracks, you’ll hear how they help partners to open up and their beat mimics the beautiful junctures of your sexy massage. You’ll hear that even in the calm moments, even though there is a relaxing undertone, this also combines with some kind of a reference to the sounds of our body’s. Listen closely and you’ll soon be able to spot the lilt of pure new age music which is only focussed on nature and calming.

But, like we said earlier, don’t be fooled by the title of the album or track in the app. Nor by the cover. Listen to the sounds that run through and if you have the right tracks, you’ll hear a rise of a waterfall that subsides like the rush of an orgasm. Or the calming wash of a wave will suddenly crash. White noise will distort everything else that plays behind it. That’s the type of sound you’re listening for,

These may not on the surface sound like sexy sounds, but when you tie them into the rise and fall of a great sensual massage, and the way your body and heart will race and then relax, you’re onto a winner.

How can I make my massage erotic, rather than just a boring old massage.

In this blog we’re talking about music and specifically tuning into Spotify so you have the music ready and you can just press play. But, first off, think about what would need to be in place to make this a calming moment for you. Get that right and you’re half way there. We’ll cover off some more tips to avoid producing a moment which is a simple stress buster and will help make sure that you turn this into one of those beautiful intimate moments where you’ll relax, but also engage.

Do your research, listen to the music ahead of time, save it into the Spotify app and then find the right moment when you’re both relaxing and gradually build up the heat together.

Erogenous zones

Erogenous zones

Erogenous zones — what you need to know

Part of the process and tantric massages that we provide in Romford, Essex are all about slowly languishing in the pleasure of erogenous zones. Using how the nerve endings of our body can bring us pleasure in an area that isn’t necessarily associated with sex.

These zones are sensitive parts of your body which due to their heightened sensitivity increase our sexual arousal

Pretty much every adult, and some well below that age, know about the well known ones, the clitoris and so on. But, read on because they are found all over the body. So to learn a few of our secrets about how to stimulate your partner’s arousal with other, lesser known sensitive parts of their skin.

First off, what is an erogenous zone?

Each is a little different. Both from person to person, and with your mood. That’s why it’s important during a sensual massage to tap into your brain first, and calm it. This ensures that you feel to your max.

An erogenous zone may also be known as erotogenic, and while everyone gets hot and bothered for different ones of these they do act like a road map to your pleasure zones.

Genital erotogenic zones

  1. The clitoris is point number one for sensitivity on a woman. But, did you know this. The part that you can see, is literally only the tip of the iceberg. These sensitive nerves extend all the way down to circle the vagina. So, don’t just stop at external clit play. Work in some internal action too.
  2. The G-Spot sits within the vagina on the front wall. It’s through that this is where a bunch of nerves meet. But, did you know, higher up towards the top of the vagina, the cervix also has its own bunch of feel-good pathways that contribute towards climax,
  3. The penis as we know from our tantra work is also known the wand of light and boy, does it light up. Just a small amount of stimulation and the thing is throbbing like this will be its last chance.  But there’s more to sexual satisfaction. Work in the scrotum and you’re hovering around a ton of nerves there that run a little like those from the female clitoris. And bam. The pleasure is heightened.

What about erogenous zones around the rest of the body?

Erogenous zones are all over your body. Different areas of skin can be oh so sensitive. Try it out with your partner, different pressures, differing sensory experiences. A blindfold doesn’t have to be threatening. It can be highly erotic.

  1. The breast, on both men and women can drive you crazy. Everyone has a differing amount of sensitivity here, but if you take it slow you’ll be sure to tease pleasure from your loved one.
  2. This brings us to our next point, the nipples. This little nub of nerves can just need one touch on some people, while on others, that’s too much on its own. Others roll their eyes at the idea. BUT. And listen closely.  This isn’t called erogenous for no reason. Take step one seriously, gently build that tension and your partner will be begging for their nipples to be tweaked.
  3. Feet. Oh wow. Now, have you ever touched someone’s feet and they jump out of the way? That ticklish response is an erogenous zone. Even if people say they don’t like it. Calm their mind first though. And then bam. Watch them crawl around oozing pleasure.

And don’t forget, you don’t just have hands for touching, and caressing and stroking, and generally for creating any kind of pleasurable sensations. Mix it up. Use different pressures, graze an ear, flick a tongue or scrape your fingers across a lower back.

Take a leaf out of the tantric book and use kissing, your breath or different fabrics and textures to heighten that pleasure. And once you reach the lower areas of your lover’s body, don’t just hang around there.

Keep it moving.

Keep it fresh.

The more we mix it up, the more it confuses our brain and then the more difficult it is for us to concentrate on reality. Imagine, you’re being driven crazy and begging for your breasts, nipple and areola to be taken between your lover’s teeth. You’re not going to start thinking about putting the washing on or getting the car serviced, are you?

Erogenous zones and orgasm.

You find yourself in the arms of your loved one and those orgasmic waves are building. You’re desperate for release. But don’t rush. Stay close, on the brink, but do not allow yourself to fall over the edge.

As a lover, male or female, when you sense your partner being stimulated to the point of no return. Stop. Lightly tickle a foot, brush your lips over the nape of her neck. Nibble on his navel.  Take your time because this experience is about the pleasure, not the end result. That will come in time.

This is the point where you should be using your fingertips to caress those intimate areas that allow your partner to catch their breath. Kiss and move until the sensations of the orgasms calms. Run your nails through his hair, stroke your palms up the inside of his thighs. Take your own pleasure in creating sexy sucking noises along his side, his pubic bone and then breath heat, but don’t touch over his penis tip.

If your partner is begging to be kissed, place your finger at the tip of their mouth, place your lips so close your breath whispers over their wet lips. But don’t give in to that kiss until you’ve made their genitals crave to connect with yours with a fierce passion created out of having to work for it.

When is it time?

When you’ve hit all the spots and those erogenous zones have done their work, you’ve caressed their inner legs, nuzzled behind their ear and had a certain amount of anus and perineum play too. Your partner has been brought to the brink more than once and they are starting to sag back onto the bed. This is when it’s time to have some human compassion and begin massaging their private parts with a renewed focus. This is when you should set them free with that liberating sensation of a gentle build which crescendos into them eventually tearing down any walls they have built and releasing an almighty cry of obvious sexuality.  Their ejaculation is fierce as you guide them to a vibrating passion that rips into their spinal cord as their receptors blow and their exaggerated excitement has them coming beyond any of their previous thresholds.

This feather like control is how you not only find, but use erogenous zones to colour your partner’s passion so that anything less in the future will always be compared.

Watch all about how to use this gentle power and what it means.

 

Blog — All things sensual

Blog

All things sensual

From the tantric experts
in Romford, Essex
text 07982 491392

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Why we love, and why we cheat.

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Lady sexologist near me

Relationship coaching based on touch and pleasure. See how it can improve your relationship.

Couple close together and in love after relationship coaching with lady sexologist in Romford, London
This lady sexologist will help you find new ways of communicating within your relationship. Whether you come alone or as a couple.

Let’s face it. Sometimes, our sex lives just stagnate. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re having sex within your relationship at the moment, what’s important is that when you feel the need, you’re able to communicate together about sensual or sexual ideas. This process and your lady sexologist will help you find new ways of being intimate with each other.

Put aside everyday life

We’re all about helping you put the demands of every day aside and helping you rediscover the power of each other. Allowing you to want to take time for the other person, to share with them again. Through intimacy with the person you most love, comes a partnership way deeper than running errands.

The idea will get you excited

Once you’ve booked your first touch based relationship coaching, you may find that automatically, the idea of what you are embarking on together makes you want to touch more. So, imagine how good it will be once you’ve had your coaching and you’ve taken it to the next level.

During your touch relationship coaching, your lady sexologist (for men) and male for women, will help you to reclaim the pleasures in your body that have become hidden over time. And one’s that lay undiscovered. In so doing. You’ll grow in sexual confidence and be more able to give pleasure to your beloved in return for receiving. We may also work with you with sensual massage so you can learn through switching off and relaxing into the joys of your body.

Your sexologist will go at your pace

It is entirely up to you whether you remove clothing during this session, but most people choose to go down this route. However, it’s important to understand and be comfortable in the knowledge that this is absolutely not compulsory. Nudity nor intimate touch are mandatory and you will be under no pressure.

Every session will be totally based around your learning outcomes. We may talk, discussing some somatic aspects, or it may be touch based, but at no point will you be touching your therapist as this is about you and your body and relationship.

To book, please text 07982 491392 today.