It can be touch when you’re struggling with building intimacy in a relationship. This can happen when you first start out together, or when you’re trying to get back from a situation which has hurt one or both of you and you need to find your way back to your partner.

Sometimes the sex can suffer when we’re struggling with intimacy issues, but other times, and often more hurtful, this can be a time where it’s difficult for a partner to feel the love of their other half.

That feeling of being close and emotionally connected or supported isn’t there. The connection you are striving for is distant and so the process of being sexual or even any kind of physical contact with the other person can feel like it is a whole life away.

When you’re going through this, it’s not easy to understand that all relationships go through this. But exercise trust. Because we’ve got you with some hints and tips that will help you talk. Through showing your vulnerable side, you become a team again.

Developing intimacy in relationship.

First off, let’s discuss this, because intimacy in relationships can be significantly more than between a loving couple. Children are intimate with their parents, we’re all intimate in a different form with our friends. Being intimate with other people is one of the most natural states we crave as humans.

If you want to read more about this, then we have a great article, The Definition of Intimacy. Because today we are talking about building intimacy within a romantic relationship.

Intimacy and sex.

We can all have sex with anyone, physically, if we are able to make love with our partner, then our body is all geared up for those actions with anyone. However, how many times have you heard, ‘it’s not the same without the emotion?’

Sure, you might get the release, but it’s not making love. Because the bond that you’ve built through intimacy is missing. This leads to a sense of loss. Like the experience wasn’t all that it could have been. And this can lead to some people feeling lonely, even isolated, regardless of how often they are having sexual intercourse. Because the love and affection is missing.

Side note:

Tantra connects two energies in a similar way to how it does when you make love to your partner. If you like, it ‘fakes’ the intimacy giving you all the benefits of making love, without the need or commitment of doing so.

Difficulties couples face when trying to create intimacy.

There are some common reasons why some couples struggle with sharing that closeness, that signifies intimacy.

Communication issues. If you are your partner aren’t speaking openly and fully, then there is nothing to lay the hat of intimacy on. And this requires you both to participate. You both need to be honest about how you are feeling, what is missing and what you need. A word of caution here. This doesn’t mean you can be callous. Always watch how you express your feelings if you want to grow closer.

Conflict. If you have an ongoing conflict, for instance, one partner had an affair, then this will make intimacy an issue. Approach this with an open mind and know that anger, hurt and resentment can all bustle up into a difficult verbal relationship. The lack of trust will manifest into aggression or retreat rather than open communication. This takes time.

It may not be easy to just talk, and for worries to be resolved. For instance, if you have money worries, they don’t just go away because you talk about them. But finding a way to work together so you both appreciate the other is vital here.

Abuse or violence, either ongoing or in a past life can cause issues in building intimacy in a relationship. These personal problems are deep rooted and you need to check in regularly with your partner and be that constant in their life that they need for support.

Intimacy builds over time. Building intimacy between a newly married couple or in an arranged marriage or contract marriage can require some common ground. Very often in these situations you don’t have as much history of being comfortable with each other. Likewise, if you’re pregnant before you’ve had time to properly plan kids. The spontaneity can be tricky. But don’t worry we have some simple exercises for you to focus on that with a little effort will help to build that intimacy, even if you are involved in a contract marriage or arranged marriage.

Couple after building intimacy in a relationship in a coffee shop snuggling unaware of the outside world

Building intimacy doesn’t come overnight. Be patient.

What’s our advice to help you connect with your partner?

Why people cheat

Celebrate all that is good about your relationship. Use words as well as actions to tell your partner that you appreciate them. And that you love them. One trick that I love is just before you settle down to sleep at night, think of just one thing that the person did for you that day that you appreciated. And thank them. You’ll be surprised at the results.

We’ve covered this earlier, but just in case you skipped ahead, this is worth reiterating. Talk. Openly. And listen. Make time for each other. It doesn’t have to be hours, just a few minutes where you don’t have anything else going on can be a tremendous help in building intimacy in a relationship. You only need a moment sometimes, Just enough to say, ‘I love the way you cook, your food is so flavoursome.’ It may sound like nothing, but enough of these moments count.

On that note, though, you won’t get intimacy if you don’t create the moments. So do it. Be together as a couple. Even if that is going for a walk and holding hands in the rain. Stopping the extraneous distractions really does help communication. So, anything that involves being calm together without distraction is a safe way to spend time together and build togetherness.

We touched on it briefly above, but touching is massive. After all, this is the end game of building intimacy in a relationship, right? Sure it is. So touch when you can. You don’t have to be the grabby perv that makes everyone’s skin crawl, just brush your hand over hers, or sweep some hair from her face. It’s the little things that count. Because as we’ve already said, intimacy takes time.

Here’s another we’ve already touched on (get it?). Accept that all relationships have their ups and downs. And you don’t always know when they’re coming. So embrace that and run with it without fear. Take these points and build them into your lifestyle to help you recover faster.

What are some questions to help me with building intimacy in a relationship?